Last Wednesday on February 3rd, 2010 I landed at PTI airport in Greensboro North Carolina at 9:50 p.m. by way of Fort Lauderdale Florida. My friend Kevin who picked me up suggested that we go out and have some fun, so I agreed. After the party, while heading back to my apartment I was completely drunk. Kevin who was not, was the designated driver. About 5 minutes away from my place I felt the car sliding. {there was ice on the freeways from the night before when it snowed}. the car proceeded to turn and twist before completely flipping over, then it rolled off to the side of the freeway. I remember while it was flipping I wasn't thinking about living or dying. My thoughts were "Mommy and jaren I'm sorry, Mommy and jaren I love you". At the hospital I flat-lined. And after countless tries with a defibrillator I was shocked back to life.I woke up Thursday afternoon with a broken clavicle, 3 broken ribs, badly bruised muscle tissues in my right shoulder and a minor concussion. But being told that I died and came back didn't bother me at all. What did it for me was being told that kevin will never walk again and it would take up to 8 months before he fully recovers. Its has been eating at me to know that my friend will never walk again, now a little over an hour ago I found out that he died. I am sitting here with tears flowing down my face in complete disbelief. WHY DID MY FRIEND HAVE TO DIE? WHY NOT TAKE ME? WHY DID I HAVE TO COME BACK? WHY DIDN'T I STAY DEAD? I'm so confused. Kevin was an athlete who always did the right thing no matter what and he was not speared. I sin, I drink, I fornicate, I have stolen, I have cheated and I have lied. But yet I was saved and he was taken. WHY? Why am I so special that rather than a good clean hearted person? what have I done that was worth me living? The one person I care about most in this world doesn't even want to be with me! I am so CONFUSED!!! why him and not me. I was as good as gone so why did you allow me to live? I guess even death isn't good enough for me.
REST IN PARADISE KEVIN, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I'M CONFUSED
Posted by DENIO LUCIANO at 7:52 PM
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2 comments:
The good always die young. It just means you are still here bc God has a purpose for you and wants your continue on the path to get to your purpose. I know it sounds very cliche, but I will keep you and Kevin my prayers.
Aww sweetie I'm so sorry that's happened. To try and give a comforting answer, you're still here because God still has plans for you. It also means you're not a quitter. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. Just remember he's part of your army of guardian angels. Also think of it as a way for him not to go through what could have been a lifetime of physical suffering if he could never walk again. You're blessed. Special. Wonderful. Live life for you and for him. You're never alone. Never.
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