What I Want From A Woman

No time for explanations so lets Skipp the formalities. As a real man I'm looking for a real woman, One who is intelligent, honest, mature and willing to do for others without thought of herself. An Independent woman is a plus but at the same time she has to be level headed and willing to put her pride aside for her man. also she has to be fun, energetic and willing to step out of her comfort zone once in a while and show her immature side; when appropriate of course. is there such a female on earth? I do not know. So far every woman I have been with has been a complete let down.

I have been 100% percent honest in my past relationships, and it seems that has been a total mistake. For every female I speak to nowadays its like a screening process. there is no chance of heartache because they cannot get that close me, my wall is too tall to climb and my mountain is too rugged to hike. Slowly but surely I'm getting over my last love, but its no easy road to walk. she holds a special place in heart that is reserved for a lifetime.

Many things that were normal day by day to me are now looked upon differently. For example sex which was an easy escape to pleasure and comfort. I now see as a privilege. the connection and emotional bond between two individuals during sex, I now think should be held sacred between the two. these feelings should not be taking advantage of. for a man to penetrate a female means that at that moment they become one with each other. a flow of lustful emotions charges both bodies and starts an experience that should be memorable.

My woman should be able to try and understand these things. Now again I ask. IS THERE SUCH A WOMAN IN EXISTENCE? or is all hope lost?

I'M CONFUSED

Last Wednesday on February 3rd, 2010 I landed at PTI airport in Greensboro North Carolina at 9:50 p.m. by way of Fort Lauderdale Florida. My friend Kevin who picked me up suggested that we go out and have some fun, so I agreed. After the party, while heading back to my apartment I was completely drunk. Kevin who was not, was the designated driver. About 5 minutes away from my place I felt the car sliding. {there was ice on the freeways from the night before when it snowed}. the car proceeded to turn and twist before completely flipping over, then it rolled off to the side of the freeway. I remember while it was flipping I wasn't thinking about living or dying. My thoughts were "Mommy and jaren I'm sorry, Mommy and jaren I love you". At the hospital I flat-lined. And after countless tries with a defibrillator I was shocked back to life.I woke up Thursday afternoon with a broken clavicle, 3 broken ribs, badly bruised muscle tissues in my right shoulder and a minor concussion. But being told that I died and came back didn't bother me at all. What did it for me was being told that kevin will never walk again and it would take up to 8 months before he fully recovers. Its has been eating at me to know that my friend will never walk again, now a little over an hour ago I found out that he died. I am sitting here with tears flowing down my face in complete disbelief. WHY DID MY FRIEND HAVE TO DIE? WHY NOT TAKE ME? WHY DID I HAVE TO COME BACK? WHY DIDN'T I STAY DEAD? I'm so confused. Kevin was an athlete who always did the right thing no matter what and he was not speared. I sin, I drink, I fornicate, I have stolen, I have cheated and I have lied. But yet I was saved and he was taken. WHY? Why am I so special that rather than a good clean hearted person? what have I done that was worth me living? The one person I care about most in this world doesn't even want to be with me! I am so CONFUSED!!! why him and not me. I was as good as gone so why did you allow me to live? I guess even death isn't good enough for me.

REST IN PARADISE KEVIN, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!